Vacation: tales from the crypt of Spring Breaks past

I've got the whole week off and no where to go. So, I'm going to post a bunch of fun things I did and make you all suffer through reading it while you are at work. HAH HAH!

But since I'm not really doing anything at all let's talk about past Spring Breaks where I went somewhere fun in the sun or Ohio....


#4
2004.... Mad Snow Banks of Columbus, OHIO

Who vacations in Ohio? Me. Wanna know why? Because I have never had more fun in an uglier place.

I flew into Columbus to watch the Huskies play UAB in the first round of the NCAA tournament. I was going to meet up with Todd, his brother Del, and their Ohioan friend AK. I flew in a day before them. So, I stayed in a hotel next to the airport for the night. I walked across the parking lot to the local ROSCO's waffle house. THAT WAS MY FIRST WAFFLE HOUSE EVER! I enjoy the simple things, ok?

Anyway, the next day Todd and co. picked me up and we scoured downtown for parking. Eventually we settled on the open top floor of a parking garage surrounded by high rises in downtown Columbus. It's a Thursday afternoon. A workday. But for me it's my first spring break albeit in a brown, snow covered town. So, we pull out a cooler of beers and crack a few open in the cold. I'm looking around at all the high rises and bs'ing with Todd's brother and AK. They are stoked we have tickets for the game. (Thanks again Hans) We see a couple people looking down from the 20something floor in the building next to us. I'm a paranoid kid trying not to get an MIP in Ohio of all palces so I freak a bit. Del and co. calm my skinny butt down. I finish my delicious, freezing cold beer. When out of the stairwell comes a homeless looking individual in drab. I draw attention to the person as they approach us. 'Naw, don't worry, Justin it's probably a homeless person,' someone says. The lady gets closer and her badge sways from the chain hidden under coat across her chest. FUCK.

'Hey, boys, how are you today? Are you drinking out here?'

Great. Everyone is silent.

'Break out your IDs. Line up.'

Are you kidding me? This is going to be a shooting gallery. Keep your mouth shut and let Dell do the talking. Chime in only when you can save your ass for sure.

'Who bought you this beer? Was it you?' She looks at Del.

Del 'No officer.' The rest of us nod in agreement.

'Who was it?'

'His father.' Looks over at AK.

'And where is he?'

'At home in Gibsonburg.'

The officer has no clue where that is. 'Where? Nevermind. Pour out the beers you have and put the rest away. And vacate the lot.'

'Alright.' PHEW. How did I dodge that bullet.

Del reparked the car on a lower level. And we left early for the game. Which turned out for the best since it was a first come first serve player will call set up we ended up getting the greatest since I have ever had. Too bad the Huskies lost thanks to Mike Anderson (current Mizzou coach) and Squeaky Johnson's three point, coffin nailing bank shot.

After the game we make the 2 hour trek from Columbus to Gibsonburg. Nothing to see except fast food joints, the only man made hill for miles, and more dirt. Here, we shacked up in AK's parents house. AK's dad, Dave, is a joker. He would wait until you got up then he would say,'Hey, since your up (for whatever reason) can you grab me a beer?' So, I learned quickly not to move for a damn thing. This became a game between me and him. I only got up when someone else got up first or Dave got up for some odd reason. That man can sit on a coach like it's nobody's business. And he knew it. He waited patiently for the opportunity.

Anyway, I had a blast in Gibsonburg! I met all of Todd's family friends from when he used to live there. And for some reason they loved me! And I loved them! Beers everywhere. Free and delicious food. Oh man, but the best thing of all was OOGIE'S subs. I would kill a man for two of those. I would fly back just for one of those delicious morsels. I keep losing my focus...

So, one night we drove up to University of Toledo and partied at Sarah and Jenny's house. Todd and I were guests of honor which meant free jello shots and keg beer. Not to mention lots of attention heaped upon us outsiders from Seattle. Of course I loved it! I'm an attention whore. Especially, when free booze and pretty girls are involved. Everyone made me feel so welcome. Todd would introduce me as JG. And I loved listening to the Ohioans try to pronounce it. 'JAY JAE? JAY GEE??' I felt right at home. No one could understand my stupid initialized name and I was making friends left and right.

I was getting the tour around the house and talking to everyone along the way. I ventured downstairs with Todd and Sarah to her room to talk to her boyfriend and his friend. Sarah was down there and she was a little mad at him at the time. He was all but passed out on her roommate's bed with straw hat on and a drunken, perverse smile on his face. His buddy is laughing hysterically at whatever he retorts back to Sarah. And the friend is encouraging the boyfriend to continue to act this way. And they laugh and laugh. She scolds him saying, 'Jared you can't sleep in Stephanie's bed!' I'm witnessing this as a comfortable and amused stranger. I'm not trying to intervene or laugh too loudly. I notice he is grinning comfortably with the smile of a child when he pisses himself. Sarah finally convinces Jared's friend to get him to move. And he gets Jared to move into Sarah's bed. Sarah goes over to fix her roommate's covers when she notices the bed is wet. In fact he did piss himself. She goes into an uproar. Jared's buddy is dying from laughter. She is scolding him for laughing so much. I'm trying not to laugh too much. Todd is red faced giggling. And Jared is laying in her bed now with his wet pants off with that same smile on his face. I couldn't believe it.

I went back upstairs to gather some more attention as I waited for the news to follow me up. When asked I started telling the story about almost getting an MIP. I rip a couple jokes. They are eating out of the palm of my hand. This big boned, random woman walks in with a fifth of cap'n morgans. Ooo my favorite at the time! She starts passing out random pull shots. I'm in like Flynn. I smooze her a little. 'OOO, what do you have there, pirate? Is that some booty!' Ding! Free shot! And another. This is great!

I turn around and Todd's friends are baffled asking who is this girl. I interrupt them. 'Why does it matter? She may be a cow but she's got free booze.' They are eating it up! I love being a lovable prick. I could have thrown up on the kitchen floor and they would have still loved me. Ohio is great. So great that I returned to Jenny's wedding whose party it was. The wedding was awesome by the way.

I felt sad leaving to go home. But not much changes in Gibsonburg. And I shall return again someday.


Gibsonburg is the greatest little town in the world.