Gillette has a new advertising campaign.....
You might say if there is no underbrush the tree looks taller.....
You might say this is stretching it a bit too taut for Gillette.
You might say I'm at a loss for words.
One question. At the end did they basically encourage you to be promiscuous???
Gillette is going to become synonymous with STD.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
CC continued....
I think I have the 2nd day straight.
So, like I said we were out on the boat. And my interest concerning the 15 other people on the boat waned. Instead I took cans and decided to sink them for no good reason. I watched them sink into the darkness of one of the world's deepest lakes. Idiotically, I forgot about the cop's patrolling the water all day.
We had seen them previously but only at a glance. With 16 people on board, we were over the boat's limit by 6. And the cops were looking for us, boaters and partygoers packing boats on memorial day.
Off the bow I hear a 'bouwp- bouwp- stop your boat.' Oh, Shit. Along with the obvious large group of people on this small vessel, I led the eyes of the officers toward our boat by leaning over the side sinking the cans. Seeing as I didn't sink ALL the cans it was like a peanut trail behind the boat. After a very nice KM jumped in and gathered up the peanuts I left behind, the squirrels I mean cops were more focused on the boat's capacity and it's limits. Josh explained to them the circumstances selling his fibs to save my ass and save himself from a ticket.
When the officers offered to take 6 passengers aboard their patrol boat I quickly volunteered to getaway from the comments that were well deserved. I smiled and chatted it up on the boat with the cops while one of my other roommate's continued to apologize for us. I told them they could throw him overboard to swim into shore.
Thank god they let Josh go without a ticket. They would have put a damper on the weekend.
I went inside the room and took a nap until that night..........
So, like I said we were out on the boat. And my interest concerning the 15 other people on the boat waned. Instead I took cans and decided to sink them for no good reason. I watched them sink into the darkness of one of the world's deepest lakes. Idiotically, I forgot about the cop's patrolling the water all day.
We had seen them previously but only at a glance. With 16 people on board, we were over the boat's limit by 6. And the cops were looking for us, boaters and partygoers packing boats on memorial day.
Off the bow I hear a 'bouwp- bouwp- stop your boat.' Oh, Shit. Along with the obvious large group of people on this small vessel, I led the eyes of the officers toward our boat by leaning over the side sinking the cans. Seeing as I didn't sink ALL the cans it was like a peanut trail behind the boat. After a very nice KM jumped in and gathered up the peanuts I left behind, the squirrels I mean cops were more focused on the boat's capacity and it's limits. Josh explained to them the circumstances selling his fibs to save my ass and save himself from a ticket.
When the officers offered to take 6 passengers aboard their patrol boat I quickly volunteered to getaway from the comments that were well deserved. I smiled and chatted it up on the boat with the cops while one of my other roommate's continued to apologize for us. I told them they could throw him overboard to swim into shore.
Thank god they let Josh go without a ticket. They would have put a damper on the weekend.
I went inside the room and took a nap until that night..........
Monday, May 25, 2009
Chelan spells CHAOS
Every year I go to this place and come back thinking What happens in Chelan stays in Chelan. Photos taken there should fade away into nothingness like the Polaroid photo of Michael J. Fox and his siblings in Back to the Future.
This place is a black hole. It sucked my last three days away leaving a blur of memories that are strewn across a discombobulated time line. But you know what I don't want 'em back! THAT WAS AMAZING!
I really cannot properly articulate the chaos and mix of wild characters participating in this madness. So, let's lay out the participants by grouping them.
1) My 11 roommates. BC, JP, MM, HG, JA, TM, MS, DH, KM, AW, and N-
2) Athletes: SH, RS, QP, JB, JW
3) Groupies: Unknown names or numbers
4) Random Chelangoers: Repeat groupie status
These are the people important to the stories. For the rest, sorry you didn't make the cut better luck next year.
I've been piecing the moments back together first by reason then by chronological order. I think the only way to recover this without asking everyone I saw is to write it out. So bear with me. GO NUGGETS. I hope JR SMITH doesn't get himself kicked out of the league in the off season.
Anyway,
Our room is on the grass leading out to the pool and 40 feet from the waterfront. With the beautiful weather that made our backyard party ground zero. At night we were two blocks from DTPT, downtown party time. Throw in 4000 college aged kids into this small town and you've got a mini Cancun hence the 'SENOR FROGS' two blocks from our place.
The first night I got stuck in traffic over the pass so I didn't get in until 11 30pm. I immediately threw my stuff in the room and met everyone out at the bars. Where I meet the characters and the themes begin to unfold.
SH, an athlete, is out of control orchestrating chaos. Groupies surround him and JB like flies. The groupies were as mindless as flies, too. SH is trying to get HG laid. He is HG's biggest advocate against celibacy. And to HG's credit he stayed completely loyal. SH or Satan matchmaker could not shake him. With that said we never saw the end of SH. He was coming in the room at 8am with beer in his hand banging at the glass door at 3am yelling for HG. 7 feet of madness. The last I saw of this guy he stumbled in a stupor into our room in his beater and boxers mumbling for Hans saying something about how he just got with some nameless beezee.
Back to that night. I left HG surrounded by temptation. And in the morning I woke up falling off the hydabed. It was 7am. I looked to see the covers dominated by a 6'10 frame of a man who was laying diagonally upon the bed forcing me off the edge. This was not like sleeping with Heeze who just sleeps on top you like curled up dog. I wasn't up for more than 30 minutes when SH barged in and ate all the bacon I made. Minutes later, I was handed a beer by MS & JA, the other set of roommates. The boat was pulled up to the shore. And day 1 began.
Ok. It's late. The Nuggets won game 4. And I need to get my facts straight. Maybe if I sleep on it they will work themselves out. Or maybe this is a good time for the hook allowing you to imagine the amazing things that actually happened. Trust me you should. It's probably going to be better than what actually happened.
This place is a black hole. It sucked my last three days away leaving a blur of memories that are strewn across a discombobulated time line. But you know what I don't want 'em back! THAT WAS AMAZING!
I really cannot properly articulate the chaos and mix of wild characters participating in this madness. So, let's lay out the participants by grouping them.
1) My 11 roommates. BC, JP, MM, HG, JA, TM, MS, DH, KM, AW, and N-
2) Athletes: SH, RS, QP, JB, JW
3) Groupies: Unknown names or numbers
4) Random Chelangoers: Repeat groupie status
These are the people important to the stories. For the rest, sorry you didn't make the cut better luck next year.
I've been piecing the moments back together first by reason then by chronological order. I think the only way to recover this without asking everyone I saw is to write it out. So bear with me. GO NUGGETS. I hope JR SMITH doesn't get himself kicked out of the league in the off season.
Anyway,
Our room is on the grass leading out to the pool and 40 feet from the waterfront. With the beautiful weather that made our backyard party ground zero. At night we were two blocks from DTPT, downtown party time. Throw in 4000 college aged kids into this small town and you've got a mini Cancun hence the 'SENOR FROGS' two blocks from our place.
The first night I got stuck in traffic over the pass so I didn't get in until 11 30pm. I immediately threw my stuff in the room and met everyone out at the bars. Where I meet the characters and the themes begin to unfold.
SH, an athlete, is out of control orchestrating chaos. Groupies surround him and JB like flies. The groupies were as mindless as flies, too. SH is trying to get HG laid. He is HG's biggest advocate against celibacy. And to HG's credit he stayed completely loyal. SH or Satan matchmaker could not shake him. With that said we never saw the end of SH. He was coming in the room at 8am with beer in his hand banging at the glass door at 3am yelling for HG. 7 feet of madness. The last I saw of this guy he stumbled in a stupor into our room in his beater and boxers mumbling for Hans saying something about how he just got with some nameless beezee.
Back to that night. I left HG surrounded by temptation. And in the morning I woke up falling off the hydabed. It was 7am. I looked to see the covers dominated by a 6'10 frame of a man who was laying diagonally upon the bed forcing me off the edge. This was not like sleeping with Heeze who just sleeps on top you like curled up dog. I wasn't up for more than 30 minutes when SH barged in and ate all the bacon I made. Minutes later, I was handed a beer by MS & JA, the other set of roommates. The boat was pulled up to the shore. And day 1 began.
Ok. It's late. The Nuggets won game 4. And I need to get my facts straight. Maybe if I sleep on it they will work themselves out. Or maybe this is a good time for the hook allowing you to imagine the amazing things that actually happened. Trust me you should. It's probably going to be better than what actually happened.
Monday, May 18, 2009
I'll take Catch The seMen for 800!
Will Farrell's return to SNL was highlighted by the return of Darrell Hammond/Sean Connery, is that Tom Hanks, and Turd Ferguson. Maybe he wasn't there at all....
Excuse the link across the middle of the screen.
Is that what the moustache is for, Trebek?
Oh, you can watch Burt Reynolds reprise his Turd Ferguson like role on 'My Name is Earl.' He plays a pretty funny prick for an awkwardly thin man.
Excuse the link across the middle of the screen.
Is that what the moustache is for, Trebek?
Oh, you can watch Burt Reynolds reprise his Turd Ferguson like role on 'My Name is Earl.' He plays a pretty funny prick for an awkwardly thin man.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
NBA tats
This article was posted a while back but it's still valid since most of the guys on the list are still playing in the league or are household names.
http://thesportcount.com/2008/09/26/your-guide-to-nba-tattoos-part-four/
There are 4 parts to the series but my favorite has to be J.R. Smith's 'DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR' don't be snitchin' snitches. Between him, Lips Neck Martin, and Birdman I would go as far to state that the Nuggets locker room must be batshit crazy. I mean that in the most caring, halfway house-like way that I can. With George Karl's current team and his past record with the Sonics' high flying, coke fiend, babymaker the Reign Man Coach Karl could retire into a steady life as a Parole Officer or the head of a halfway house for wayward athletes. Calling Reggie Williams...?
http://thesportcount.com/2008/09/26/your-guide-to-nba-tattoos-part-four/
There are 4 parts to the series but my favorite has to be J.R. Smith's 'DEATH BEFORE DISHONOR' don't be snitchin' snitches. Between him, Lips Neck Martin, and Birdman I would go as far to state that the Nuggets locker room must be batshit crazy. I mean that in the most caring, halfway house-like way that I can. With George Karl's current team and his past record with the Sonics' high flying, coke fiend, babymaker the Reign Man Coach Karl could retire into a steady life as a Parole Officer or the head of a halfway house for wayward athletes. Calling Reggie Williams...?
Monday, May 11, 2009
MOTHER'S DAY!.... a day late.
I know you all spent your mother's day around your maternal unit. For you Hawaiians, I hope you called back to the island to wish her the best. Most of us bought our Mom's some flowers and a card. But getting your mom the best bouquet or the right gift can be hard. But I know just what to get your mother...
http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-motherlover
Just to let you know I will be available this time next year....
http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-motherlover
Just to let you know I will be available this time next year....
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Brewster... I mean Zaza's Millions!
Everyone has that weird uncle right? Like my brother time is going to be my nieces' weird vegan uncle. But ZAZA PACHULIA'S UNCLE IS OFFERING HIM A BIZARRE AMOUNT OF MONEY FOR AN EVEN MORE BIZARRE REQUEST.
http://withleather.uproxx.com/2009/05/dude-gets-100-milif-he-gets-married
Is this even real?!?!
Too bad that 100 million can't buy him a way to beat Lebron.
http://withleather.uproxx.com/2009/05/dude-gets-100-milif-he-gets-married
Is this even real?!?!
Too bad that 100 million can't buy him a way to beat Lebron.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Sicko Cinco Rhyme Time
OH!!!! OCHO CINCO DE MAYO PLEASE CURE MY AILS!
I puked and discharged your team colors into the toilet! Now, cure my ails!
....Waiting....
Unfortunately, Cinco de Mayo was a complete and utter fail.
Waiting....
I need to go back down to Mesa.
...Waiting
Excuse me. I have to sip some Pepto Bismol after I drink this cerveza....
Monday, May 4, 2009
Tempting Fate
Remember how I said it would be ironic if I got sick?
Well, I'm sick.
It's not the swine flu. I learned today that both my nieces had the flu last Thursday and Friday. Unfortunately, when I babysat them on Saturday my brother and sister-in-law failed to tell me this crucial piece of information. It's fitting seeing as the last time I got the flu it was from my niece who came over on Christmas eve a year ago after recovering from the flu. I guess that's what I get for making my niece cry with my stinky gas.
I'm praying to be well enough for tomorrow. CINCO DE MAYO!
Ugh... I almost threw up on my laptop right now.
I'm not counting on it. But I'm going to work. And I'm going to scare our resident germaphobe. 'I think it's the swine flu. Don't tell anyone.'
Well, I'm sick.
It's not the swine flu. I learned today that both my nieces had the flu last Thursday and Friday. Unfortunately, when I babysat them on Saturday my brother and sister-in-law failed to tell me this crucial piece of information. It's fitting seeing as the last time I got the flu it was from my niece who came over on Christmas eve a year ago after recovering from the flu. I guess that's what I get for making my niece cry with my stinky gas.
I'm praying to be well enough for tomorrow. CINCO DE MAYO!
Ugh... I almost threw up on my laptop right now.
I'm not counting on it. But I'm going to work. And I'm going to scare our resident germaphobe. 'I think it's the swine flu. Don't tell anyone.'
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Breaking Bad: Quick break from the Swine Flu
If some of you have not seen the series Breaking Bad it is one of the best unknown shows on TV. I was talking to a friend about what TV shows we watch. And we ran down the list. I can't believe I forgot Breaking Bad. It's a dark comedy based around a high school chem teacher who is dying from cancer. So, he decides to cook meth to leave money for his family after he passes. I know it sounds sad. How could it be a dark comedy?
From the main character down to his the DEA Agent brother-in-law to his crooked lawyer the show toys with people's flaws and their means to get an end. MONEY!
Alright that's enough props for today. You have to watch it from the beginning. I can't spoil it for you.
BACK TO THE SWINE FLU.... or H1N1
Ok. So, we go from PANICKY OUTBREAK! to just be careful not to go to Mexico in about a week's time. I wonder if this is going to affect the future reports of flu epidemics? It's scarier for me to think about the possibility of this becoming the 'boy who cried wolf' than to think about the current SWINE FLU. (I hope this isn't the ironic way I'm going to come down with the SWINE FLU.)
Somalia Pirates getting a bad rap? Next time.
From the main character down to his the DEA Agent brother-in-law to his crooked lawyer the show toys with people's flaws and their means to get an end. MONEY!
Alright that's enough props for today. You have to watch it from the beginning. I can't spoil it for you.
BACK TO THE SWINE FLU.... or H1N1
Ok. So, we go from PANICKY OUTBREAK! to just be careful not to go to Mexico in about a week's time. I wonder if this is going to affect the future reports of flu epidemics? It's scarier for me to think about the possibility of this becoming the 'boy who cried wolf' than to think about the current SWINE FLU. (I hope this isn't the ironic way I'm going to come down with the SWINE FLU.)
Somalia Pirates getting a bad rap? Next time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)