Success Makes Everyone Forget

 As things get slowly better at work and the grad school process begins, I think less and less about my time in Korea. Maybe it's being busy that keeps me from thinking about it too much. Maybe it's more and more time away that makes even the best memories seem less vivid. It's unwise to change what's working for you when there's not a problem to worry about it.

 Success definitely washes you over. Not to compare myself to Tiger Woods or Kobe Bryant, but they are good examples of how success, more importantly WINNING, makes people forget your past. On a personal level it clears your mind as well. But you can never completely forget.

 If you could, raise a glass to the bar's future success. It needs a bit of luck. Preferably raise your glass or two or three in my bar.


Anyway, it looks like time to move on. What's in store for me next?


I've spoken enough about me for now. I'm just going to relax my shoulders and droop like Bernie....

Dreams Fade

I really do miss Korea. It has certainly left it's impression on my life even though it all seems like a dream. What makes Korea so tangible to me is music. The memories and feelings that flood back into my mind whenever I hear certain albums that I listened to over those 12 months in Korea. The music ranges from the first Girltalk to Passion Pit to, yes, Justin Bieber. Those kids have Bieber fever! ('Teacher.....your name Justin......Justin Bieber?! ----- NO! --- Teacher Bieber!) Seriously, whenever I hear Passion Pit's Moth's Wings memories of walking through Bupyeong's crowded Underground Shopping Center enter my head. Memories of poorly translated t-shirts and acid wash jeans hanging from hangers and dodging wayward walkers. Memories of seeing my students walking together but still too scared to come say hi to me. Even the smells bad and good touch my palate. Every song brings back a new memory and enhances the other memories. Music brings me back to Incheon once more. There's nothing like it.

You could argue what makes Korea so tangible to me and some of you in Seattle is the people like Wildcat-Crab-Ian and Ryan whom I met in Korea and shared with the rest of you here. But they way they have transitioned into life here in Seattle makes it seem like they were here from the start. Everyone loves Ian...I mean Wildcat. Even though Wildcat is a self given nickname everyone likes him enough to call him that. Who would call themselves Wildcat anyway? Anyway, they have made the transition back into life back in the states together with me.

The transition has been tough. I still think of going back especially when the times get tough. That dream seems like a great idea. Part of me regrets leaving. The other part doesn't. The part that regrets leaving misses all my students, the good times, my friends left behind and my co-teachers even though the were upset with me for going. I did leave a little of my heart there. But when I lived there, my heart longed for home and friends. And I know if I went back to Korea the times there wouldn't be the same without friends like Tony, Ryan, Ian, and Drake. But that isn't what keeps me from going back. And to be honest it sometimes seems like the only real thing that keeps me from going back is convenience. I'm here. Why go? Simply put I made a promise to myself to return to explore and give life and learning a chance.

I can't leave just yet. I have only begun to settle back into my life here. Things are beginning to fall into place. My new job is starting to look up. I still have to explore my graduate school options. As my reverse culture shock is fading and the Holidays are smiling on me, the dream seems farther away. But I will always have those seemingly tangible memories that make the dream real.

Back again, Back again jiggitty 'Jeeg'

Many of you who read my blog while I was living abroad have seen me since I've been back. I've had a lot of you tell me that you read and a few of you even enjoyed my posts. I probably should have given you a comprehensive quiz to test you. Prepare yourself for the next time I see you ---- Bring a calculator and a pencil,  no. 2 only. Seriously, thank you for keeping up and reading over my blog. It really tickles me to know that. Unfortunately for all of you, here comes the real test for the both of us.

 A few of my 'oh, you're far too kind' readers have asked me to bring the blog back and I have decided to oblige you. You may later regret your words unless your my Mom. She has to love me no matter what. Even if I post you doing the 'Chicken Dance' on Thanksgiving. Sorry, Mom, you're stuck with me and the rest of our family. Good news for you though: no ambulances, fire engines or police cars were called upon last Thursday! We'll save that for your Christmas Party on the 18th (Yes, everyone who reads this is invited to sing along with my Father and ring Christmas bells with my mother --- I will be downstairs hiding from all of this with a beer in hand).

Quick side note: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY PARENTS! 43 lovely years together of loud snoring and here and there a lucky moment of boredom. As for the date, it fell on the 25th last week the same day as Thanksgiving. They had a lovely weekend, I'm sure. At the very least my Dad didn't fall off any ladders or electrucute himself. That's a win on it's own.

As for my life, I am employed as a server and bartender. Blah blah blah --- still living the dream ---- and I'll be back with more once I have a better idea of how to describe my reverse culture shock and my standard life at home. I really do miss kids cheering whenever I entered the classroom. Maybe that's why I like my nieces so much. Although Ella, my youngest niece, gets excited then cries simply because I am too tall.


One more thing: http://trailers.apple.com/trailers/universal/cowboysaliens/
Wow....just......wow...

One Final ROK Post

My talk with Vitaly, who I have failed to see while I have been here, inspired this post today. He told me something that fits Korean culture and society perfectly. Apparently, there is no direct equivalent of the word 'rational' in the Korean language. If I hadn't lived here for a year, I would have laughed it off as merely a harsh joke. Instead I laughed hysterically for how true it seems. What makes it so easy to believe is the way that Koreans operate and think. A friend of mine who has lived here for near close to a decade once said, they grow up on Confucian values. Their logical reasoning is much different than how we think. And if you lived here then you would understand why.

  Let me line up a few examples for you.

-- Women, even at the age of 35, have curfews. I don't think I've had a curfew since my junior year of high school. But you will be out partying with a woman, who likes to drink and get down (as she might have done with one of her employees), and she will have to leave at midnight to make it home in time for her curfew. At least you know this party whore has traditional family values.

  Believe me they are all about their families here. It's great to see. But it's, also, to the point of nepotism. The family who owns Samsung also runs the other major companies because they are related. I'm not saying this because they are all named Kim or Park (but they are). They are nepotistic. They appoint their family members in the top posts. And they control the government to an extent much akin to how major conglomerates and industries help their 'man' make it to the hill in D.C. So, we aren't too different in that sense. But politics in Korea is whack. I won't get into it. They could probably get their fraudulent brother out of daily on pardon. Sadly, I don't think they would let me marry into the biz.

-- The superficiality and double standards. I really don't need to make light of the superficial nature of many Koreans. It's not applicable directly to Confucian rationale. But it does demonstrate their priorities. The superficiality can be a bit shallow. But, hey, I'm white and I'm tall so it works out for me. As for the double standards it can be really strange at times. They think Western women look like whores because they have low cut shirts and dresses exposing their cleavage. But it's ok to show off your legs all the way up to a 1/4 of your ass at the same time rock high heels. It's hot. But I think Dave Chapelle would agree that's a whore's uniform just the same as dropping your tits out the front of your shirt like melons on display.

-- The strange way of doing and thinking about things. The little nuances and backwards way of thinking that make them geniuses and morons at the same time. Koreans have thought up some amazing inventions. At the same time they do some of the most backwards, irrational things I have ever seen. Most of the time it's the little things you witness during daily life. When you walk into a store, they have plastic bags to wrap you umbrella in so you don't drip water all over the floors. BRILLANT. On the other hand, I have never seen a line in Korea except to get into a bar. They just push to the front. They don't even know what side of the walkway to walk on. They just walk without any order at all. Then stop without provocation (my biggest pet peeve). I will mow you down, Ajuma. Watch yourself.

I could probably write a college thesis on the history and analysis of how and why they walk willynilly style and how it relates to their thought pattern.


These are but a few things that make up why the idea that Koreans don't have a literal translation for the word 'rational' is so awfully fitting and so very different from the way we think.

But I don't want to bash Korea. Because unlike my friend Tony Stevens, who said any expat who lives here for their life is a loser, I love Korea and Koreans.

I won't miss the drunk man punching me in the stomach or yelling at me in Korean because I am speaking on the subway.

I will miss the short skirts and fit birds.

I won't miss Cass, O.B., and Hite. Blegh. (I heard they use formaldehyde)

I will miss being a rock star at my job and on the street.

I won't miss the old men awkwardly staring at my face from a foot away without a hi or hello. 

I will miss the kindness so many Koreans have shown me since the day I arrived. It's been amazing. But now what am I going to do? Take a deep breath (a very deep breath of Seattle breath) and enjoy my home.

So, I bid you a fond farewell Korea. One day, I will return to your peninsula. If only for a short time.


Best wishes,
   Justin Teacher


P.S. Dad, I know it doesn't answer your continual nagging. So, let me alleviate this question for about 30 others. I'm going to study and go back to school. Any job I can attain back home right now is not worth it if I plan to improve my life. Time for me to incur some more educational debt.Woo...


P.S.S. I've got a hot case of the fever. HOT HOT HOT ouch. I could really use some parity.

24 Walton and Jr.

24.) Somewhere in my house there is an autographed card of Ken Griffey Jr. No idea where it is. It's biding it's time for the HOF induction. There's, also, a Chris Bosio/Omar Vizquel signed ball. And a Cruz signed everything. And, of course, there is the Bill Walton autographed hat. That's for you, Peter. I rocked that hat for the enjoyment of that look on your face when someone would ask whose name it was. Priceless.

How I got that autograph is an interesting story.

After eighth grade graduation, my parents fronted the money to send me to the east coast with my classmates. It was one of the best presents I could have received. Traveling for me is priceless. As it turned out, I made quite a few friends. Oddly, those friends were the parent chaperones of several of the girls, who were a grade below me at the time. Their dads loved to play pranks from the simple misdirection shoulder tap (one of my favorites at my school right now) to the slight nudge into a random girl. They took care of me, too. They bought me lobster and helped me speak out. Rather, they would speak out for me as was the case in Central Park.

As a group, we were on a Central Park tour focusing around the Beatles. One of our teacher's, Mr. G, was a huge Grateful Dead fan. HUGE. So, it seemed fitting that a well-known Grateful Dead fan would be meditating at the area named Strawberry Fields. I didn't recognize him until one of the fathers pointed out who he was. Bill Walton was quietly meditating on the ground as our guide stopped us to circulate the history of the place. He nudged me and whispered, 'Hey, that's Bill Walton. Get his autograph.' I was too shocked to move. 'Come on. Go over there.'

I blushed, 'I can't. He's meditating.' I started making excuses, 'I don't have a pen. What do I have to sign?'

The chaperone was kind enough to take matters into his own hands. He snatched the hat off my head, 'Here, give me that.' He pulled a pen out of his pocket and quietly approached the usually loquacious man. 'Do you mind signing this for the boy over there? He's a big fan.' I was shocked. But I took that hat gladly and stored it in my house until one day in college I heard Bill Walton say, 'Vladimir Radmanovic is the pinnacle of Western Civilization's physique.' Well put, Bill. ...

As for Jr's autograph, my family friend used to be his neighbor. Lucky me. I hope it's still in my closet with Bill.
  

Parents gone, Hello Millers

 On Friday, I was told I had a meeting for a summer camp coming up in the middle of July. I was told about the meeting on short notice after I had already made plans to go to dinner with my co-teacher and parents, who were in town. Since I wanted to make a good impression, I chose the meeting over dinner.

 When I got to the educational office, there was no meeting. Needless to say, I was a little bitter. I was especially bitter since I knew my parents and co-teachers would be swapping stories. I could already see the aftermath in my mind. I would be scolded and laughed at by my co-workers and parents. Oh, the humanity.

  I went straight out to my parents hotel in Seoul after the botched meeting. They weren't back yet. So, I called my co-teacher. 'Ohhh, Justin, your parents are so nice. They told me you are lying. You don't have to go home to take care of them or your family. And, they told me....' Ohhhhh, what was I thinking! '.....you are so bad, they said. We have sooooo many stories about you.' I've created a four headed monster.

 After talking to my co-teacher, I was afraid to even talk to my parents out of potential annoyance and nagging from them. My dad had already been nagging me (3 separate times on Father's Day) about what I am going to do when I return. When I finally got around to seeing them, they said my two co-teachers were lauding me with praise. (WTF?) My parents said, that my teachers have never had a native teacher who connects with the kids like I do. I definitely felt my chain being yanked by someone. Most likely it was being pulled by my handler, Ms. Yoo (who my dad kept calling Miss Woo). This is just like them to try and convince me through tricky means (see drunken teachers' dinner). She is a master of reverse psychology because her meticulous, anal retentive personality couples with her jokes. She is a two headed monster. Albeit the most genuinely nice two headed monster. One head is meticulous and crafty, the other is so nice that she gives you constant gifts and gives your parents a ride out of her way all the way back to their hotel. She is always careful not to compliment me outright. It's pretty wicked and impressive. Nonetheless, they were likely still being gracious to my parents. Whatever it may be, I am taking this with a grain of salt.

My parents loved it here. And they plan to do a lot more international traveling. Good for them. You should see the world before you see your nursing home.

Now, with my parents departed the Millers, Jackie and Robin, arrive today and tomorrow. No rest for me. Let time fly.

Notes:


Who doesn't love Fraggle Rock? Baller.

Chastity Belts Are In on a Whole New Level

25. My mother used to buy me video games to keep me away from girls in high school. After my sister had a child at 16, my mother was probably nervous about her 3 sons spreading their seed all willy nilly. Her best defense? Find her son's hobby and invest. It was like she was buying stock in my celibacy. It's a little disconcerting from my point of view. My social skills have been severely damaged.

 What's even more amazing is my mother confessed to this during my first year of college. She actually told me that she used to purchase games for me in order to keep me from going out and impregnating anything with a heartbeat (maybe she didn't word it just that way).

 VIDEO GAMES ARE AWESOME! 

WHO NEEDS FRIENDS AND PUSSY ANYWAY?!

   When it came to me, it was a wise move on her behalf. When it came to my brother, maybe not so much. His hobby wasn't video games. It was rockets, which became explosives which became fires in fields and blowing up homemade m-80s on a trail that sat over a major gas pipeline. He fit the child mold for serial killer profile.

   We were about as opposite as they came. I liked video games and sports. He liked operational science. I liked to shoot things up in Grand Theft Auto. He liked to throw explosives from moving vehicles in real life. Unfortunately for my mom, her investment led to his summoning of the ATF (Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms agency) to our house.

Daddy, I'm going to use Rex in the fireworks show.

It's going to be a real BLAST!

  Moms often do things like this. Maybe not for this exact reason. For example, Snoop Dogg's mother used to stay in on a night and buy her son 40's and listen to music with him. All of this in order to keep him from joining a gang. He's still gangsta though. Although like the rest of us he still hides from his girl, wife in his shed out back.

Seoul Good

Right now, my parents are visiting me. They are staying in the J.W. Marriott out in Seoul. It's the lap of luxury. Their bathroom is bigger than my apartment....

They have a free happy hour (good food and open bar) in the concierge lounge from 5-7p.
They have 2 40' T.V.'s in their room. Both have computer monitor capabilities.
Of course they have a heated toilet seat and a bidet. Love it.
Their set up is ridiculous. Oh, and there is scuba diving and a 50 foot rock climbing surface to go along with their fully stacked gym in the basement of the hotel.

Hey Mom and Dad, sitting comfy? I actually thought about skipping school to take a day long bath in their soaking tub. What? I hadn't taken a real bath in over a year until Saturday.

Anyway, it was great spending Father's Day with my Father in Korea. Although, I could do without all the serious conversations he tries to bring up on a supposedly relaxing day (He tried to get me to lay down my LIFE PLAN 3 times on Sunday. 3 times.) I think the words vacation and relax mean something different to someone who works 80 hours a week.

The excursion reminded me of being home. Something that is only 75 days away. Time flies, huh?

See you soon, Seattle.


Notes:

I'll add a couple photos of my parents on here, later.

My mom told me she looks at my photos and information on facebook through my other friends posts. .....Hm. We're definitely not becoming friends, you snoop. She is such a snoop that I am surprised she hasn't found my bondage kit in my room at home. hah

Speaking of things that you didn't know I am into, I am going to put together a list of things, 25 or so, that you didn't know about me. It's probably not going to be too interesting. But you can delight in some of my favorite stories, like, how I stole my first kiss with the help of a bat. I'm a sadistic lover.

North Korea Soccer, woo!

With North Korea's opener tonight against Brazil, I have a good link for you, here. Essentially, it's a link to ESPN's video report on a North Korean (or Chosun, what Korea and Koreans were referred to since 2000 B.C.) soccer player, An Yong Hak. The story takes on the political as well as the difficult aspects of being a Korean player living in Japan but playing for the North Korean national team. They probably could have tackled the difficulties of all the cross national issues with his life. But what's really interesting is how South Koreans react to him and the North Korean national team.

Many South Koreans are rooting for the North Korean national team to succeed. That's Korean pride for you. With all the conflict going on between the two governments, you would expect it to be the opposite. Hell, North Korea said it would turn Seoul into a 'sea of flames.' That's Korean pride for you.You can root for your fellow Koreans (Chosun) just not their government. I'm sure they won't be out in the streets in hordes watching the game tonight like they will be on Thursday at 8:30 pm Seoul Time (Argentina vs. SK). But they will be supporting them.

Go North Korea?

Well, not really.

South Korea has had a defector to the North before. But his name escapes me. Anyone know?

Now, what about players defecting at the World Cup? Don't plan on it happening. If a player defects from North Korea, you can expect Kim Jong Il's National Security Bureau to round up his immediate family. They even make the North Korean players, cheerleaders, whoever visits South Korea (or probably anywhere else in the world) sign agreements not to discuss anything they might see. You can't even go out alone abroad without North Korean officials watching you. When they return, they are likely to be sent to 'reeducation' camps.


Anyway, tonight's match against Brazil should be interesting. I believe if North Korea loses they won't even show the full game in North Korea. They will only show propaganda-style highlights. I'm going with 4-1 Brazil. North Korea will sneak in a lucky goal. 


Last week South Korea blasted Greece in the World Cup opener. But this rocket was not such a great success.

I actually have some new things to write about

But I'm going to choose not to.

Instead I am going to post this opinion column article from the New York Times.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/08/opinion/08brooks.html?src=me&ref=general

It lays out the most important reasons I choose history over other majors. While I do regret not trying to push myself into biology or further to medical school, I don't regret learning how articulate my thoughts properly.  This, the bachelor's degree in history and my well spoken and fairly well written articulation, is my greatest luxury. If I went back to college, I would do the same thing all over again.

Let me get back to the article.

The writer talks in length about 'The Big Shaggy.' No, it's not that old shaggin' wagon you used to drive. Nor is it the time you got laid in that god awful monstrosity you call transportation. It refers to strong human emotion that supplants years or reasoning. Personally, I think this is how you tell a man's worth. Oddly enough, I, also, believe you can't judge someone negatively on it. (This is a story for another time) Their wasn't enough space for the writer to properly express his thoughts about 'The Big Shaggy' in that limited space. But this article represents what I have done and what I want to do.

I have improved my writing skills through the humanities.

I want to articulate my story and thoughts that I keep inside me. Sometimes, I don't have the comparisons and the words to articulate myself properly. I hope to one day piece together my story in order to provide the world with something fruitful.

Relaxing

I think the walk out in the sun and the McDonald's has calmed me down. That Spicy Szhezuan Chicken sammich works wonders.

P.S. I think my mom voted in my poll. There aren't any 'no' votes. ....You should check out the topic.

Need to vent

This harkens back to when I wrote about how Koreans don't know when they are being rude in English. I understand there is a language and cultural barrier. I, also, understand it can be easy to touch my nerves sometimes. With that said I can't shake this.

My co-teacher comes into my class after. As I'm leaving to go to lunch, she approaches me and asks for help on a sentence her friend sent her. The usual, can you look at this? of course I can. She does this often, occasionally to the point of annoyance (like when she calls twice at 7-8 am on a Saturday morning to ask me). I help her out by explaining how each sentence works. She thanks me and calls her friend to tell her what I said. I'm in a hurry to eat lunch so I gesture to hurry up. She hangs up the phone and begins to walk out the door. She abruptly stops next to the trash and picks up the plastic covering for 500 sheets of paper. With a scowling face she let's go in an upset, bitchy voice, 'I am really, really angry. You put this in the trash. It goes in the paper.' No joke. 'AH, this makes me so angry.'  ....Really?

'Actually, it's plastic.' I reply with a joking smile. 'Sorry. I thought it was trash-----.'

'PUT IT IN THE PLASTIC THEN.' Wow. All the while my other, new co-teacher is standing next to her helping her with the trash gestures and facial expressions. That was enough for me. I was already on edge from my worst class of the week (Thursday's 308 class).

'Ok. Well, take this.' I try to hand her the lock for our office door. She doesn't take it. 'Fine. Here.' I put it on the ground and storm off.

Instead of going to lunch I went to cool off. I made some copies and walked around. It didn't help me. I sat close but not with them at lunch. It would have been better to either sit with them or completely away from them. Because when they speak in guarded, Korean tones I can only help but be paranoid that they are talking about me. They laugh a little here and there then look at me. I'm just as upset, now, as I was before.  I am going to skip out early today.

I don't think I've ever been scolded about something so meticulous after being thanked for something. What happened to the gracious attitude? It struck me as insanely rude and completely disrespectful. So, what did I do? I responded by being insanely rude and disrespectful in return. What a baby I am. I reacted to a 5 year old child's scolding by acting like a 5 year old.

I think I need to write this off as what it is. Koreans have no idea when they are being rude to you in English. I'm still gonna spank an ajuma before I leave Korea.


I think I am upset enough to change my blog's name to 'Uncovering the mysteries of F.O.B.s' like some kind of backwards 19th century anthropology exploration.


...Go figure....today's 'Teacher's Lesson' was 'seeing red, hit the ceiling, caught red handed and the all important, LOSING YOUR COOL' perfect timing. I avoided all those types of questions concerning 'when do you lose your cool?'

South Korea to officially blame North Korea for Torpedo Attacks

During the course of the investigation, the Seoul government has made it pretty well known who they blame for attack and sinking of 'Cheonan.' It had added to the friction between the two governments and relations between Seoul and Beijing. As of tomorrow, the findings of the investigation are to be released. They will state that the South Korean government blames North Korea for the attack on Cheonan back on March 26th. How this affects my life as a teacher in Korea remains to be directly seen.

 Heh, I did it. What are you going to do about it?

I imagine that there will not be any immediate affect on my life. The two sides aren't likely to go to full scale war anytime soon. The investigation findings and repercussions are both likely to be turned over and left in the hands of the U.N. North Korea will likely have an excuse for the destruction of the ship. China will collaborate with and back up North Korea. The U.S. and U.N. will try to use all of this to continue Six Party talks. And by the time I leave Korea in September it will be the same Korea that I left it. The Korea, where everyone ignores the North and goes about their daily business in ignorance because that's the only way to live peaceably and sanely.

Just relax ...

A Case of Culture Clash: A Few Ways Koreans Annoy like everyone else

Korean can be a very polite, respectful language. At the same time Korean can be an immensely rude, scathing, racist, simply disrespectful language. I'm pretty sure the drunk old man I encountered in the subway called me a selfish baby dog in 5 different ways. They, also, have two different ways of speaking, one for adults and one for respectful children. That can make things a bit complicated at times for someone trying to learn Korean or someone trying not to get laughed at for knowing only how to speak like a 5 year old when you're 25. Thankfully, it's not this complicated to be polite or rude in English.

English requires a 'please' or 'thank yous' to be polite and a nice 'fuck you' to spice up a thought. While it is very easy to say 'please' or to tell someone to 'fuck off,' mannerisms and intonation of your voice play a more important role in how genuine your apology appears or how steaming mad you might be. English is to be used sensitively. Tact is your best friend when dealing with that bitchy, under appreciated soccer mom, who crashed her car into yours and blames you for the accident. In many situations a couple 'please' and 'thank yous' can go a long way. But a well placed 'fuck you' can go farther, too, even in Korea (see Guro Taxi drivers).

I could go on about this for an hour, so, let me cut to the point. For a language like Korean, respect abounds within their blunt words. In English we don't have that open respect save the please and thank yous (maybe a knee jerk reaction, you're welcome or no problem). If you are fluent, you have to have a more subtle form of tact in your choice of words and enunciation. We don't usually lay our gratitude on the surface of our words. That's why 'please' and 'thank yous' go such a long way. With that said Koreans think we are rude because our 'thank very you much's' aren't genuine. This is probably because when they visit America they go to an American McDonald's. You can definitely sense the disdain in the voice of the minimum wage workers taking your order. That aside I want to examine the ways that they don't realize they are coming off as rude.

1) The 'Hurry up' and fake smile. You're finishing up in the gym shower and in pops a head through the door. 'Uh.....' he searches for the English phrase, 'Hurry up.' He smiles firmly. Then he snickers in approval of both his English and telling this foreigner what to do. Admittedly customer service isn't this gym hand's forte. Annoyance level: 2 (10 being the highest) What can you really expect? It's worse when he just stares at you until you leave.


2) Korean walking pattern. There is none. You have to weave around the 6 middle school girls talking up the whole sidewalk. Then weave to the left and right of two people walking toward you on different sides of the sidewalk but at the same speed. Then you dodge the Korean who unexpectedly stops for no reason (no phone in their hand, they aren't even looking around). Dodge a few shoppers who back up into the walkway to get a better view of the shoes they are looking at. Juke a girl texting on her phone and the three others walking without any spacial sense behind her. You think it's done. Then you face the boss of the walkways, Ajuma. Ajuma power is strong. Don't underestimate them because of their size. They appear small but they pack a Megaman-like punch. They will send a bony elbow into your kidney like a dirty prizefighter. You dodge the first group. Unfortunately, you didn't see the other one hiding like a snake in the grass. She lands a dirty, groin busting elbow. You think it's over. But after she takes you down, you see her cutting in front of you at the E-Mart. Ajuma!!!!!! Ajuma prevails again. Annoyance level: 6. This just eats at me everyday. I, now, walk around like a giant, white SUV forcing my way through crowds as if it was a discombobulated traffic jam.

3) The JimJilBang stare. This post isn't just about Koreans using English. It's, also, about the physical mannerisms. If you have set foot into the bathing pools, hot tubs, showers, or even a urinal at a jimjilbang, then you have received one of these. Hey, ol' Korean buddy, it's not like I don't see you looking over (rather under) my shoulder at my 'foreign parts.' Do you have to stand or sit so uncomfortably close? There's nothing really special to see. They don't call me 'The Hammer' or 'Louisville Slugger.' But you have me thinking the stereotype about Asian's size is true. Maybe that's why you're so bitter that you commit the next one on my list. Annoyance level: 5; I'm not big on this personal level of invasive staring. But I can just show you my backside.

4) Subway Cursing. You devilish ol' timer. You yell and curse at the foreigners on the subway. 'You come into my subway and desecrate these hallowed subway cars with your loud English. Go back to the skyscraper you fell from, you pale face fuck.' After the parents cart away the child you are talking to, you, the drunk old man, come up to me and talks at to you. Then punches you hard in the gut when you don't understand. Or he yells from halfway down the subway car. 'Hey, Korean only.' Oh, sorry, I didn't see that sign. What I do know is, I can't disrespect you without garnering some serious negative attention. Annoyance level: 6; It's actually funnier than it is annoying until he hits you in the gut and a one armed Korean man has to save you. Physical harm seems to be the old guards type of solution. Too bad I don't know exactly why you are hitting me.

5) Behind Closed Doors. All the screaming, breaking things, bodies moving heavily is disturbing. I'm not talking about wild and crazy romps. Simply put, I'm talking about the beatings. In class recently, I have been doing a 'Parent's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day' Lesson Plan. When I ask my students what they are writing, quite a few of them talk about their Dad hitting them or throwing things at them. It's a little unfair of me to judge based upon the broken English of a few children. I don't know the full story. But my thoughts are based upon personal experience and my teachers answers to my questions. Sometimes, particularly late at night, I hear heavy physical movement, yelling like someone is trying to run away, then the sound of things breaking, followed by crying. When I asked my teachers if this was common, they said yes. It is common for men to hit their wives in Korea, especially in poorer areas where my apartment is located. It keeps me up at night. It more than an annoyance because I can't sleep. I spend my time laying in my bed or pacing my room because I can't do a damn thing. I can't go knock on their door and ask them to stop. I can't call the cops. My hands and tongue are tied. All I can do is listen as this coward (likely drunk) beats his girlfriend or wife. Annoyance level: 10. Because it's not an annoyance. It's despicable. Always remember two things: Never strike a woman. Take it like a man, cowards.

This isn't limited to Korean culture. While I've never experienced it first hand at home, this happens all over the world. Have respect for women. Just as important, respect yourself by using your mind before your hand or being stronger and taking the verbal lashing.

CHINGLISH! Like Conglish gone Shakepearean! ...

Here are a couple stories you should check out for a laugh.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/05/03/world/asia/03chinglish.html?src=me&ref=world

http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2010/05/03/world/asia/20100503_CHINGLISH.html

The first is an article about the reform and correction of Chinglish, or Chinese to English translation, signs in China. There are some amusing ones in Korea. They are usually found on shirts. Sometimes, you can find a good one on older signs. A couple good ones escape me right now. But the second link makes up for my forgetfulness by providing quite a few wonderful examples of botched translations at their best.

Don't forget to drink your Jew's Ear Juice for the day.


I would love some pictures or stories from the teachers in Korea. Please send what you can.

GOT 'EM!

They just keep getting better and better.

I can't keep posting all the pictures on here. You can check them out at http://niketalk.yuku.com/topic/249033?page=1 

But here are some of my favorites.

Snuggie Kobe

Little Red Riding Kobe

Kobe Xerxes

Indiana Kobe Jones

Kobe has a Camel Pau

Yeah...

Sweet

Freddy Kobe

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Peek a Boo!

Where's his monocle? 

Kobe phone Home

With summer approaching get your latest fashion tips from Kobe

I know, I know. It's been a long time

I'm going to keep posting random things on here hoping to gain back my fan base, albeit a small one.

Let's start with Kobe's latest photo shoot.

Amish Kobe.

Ol' time Kobe

KFC Kobe

Coffee Bean Kobe

AC Kobe

And, possibly my favorite.....

Disapproving Kobe

Love you, Luke Walton!!!

I have never been a Kobe fan. Nonetheless, how could I not post these photos?!

     I think this would look better with the numbers and letters in Stark white.

SEC, YOU'RE IN A TIGHT g-SPOT

SEC staffers watched porn as economy crashed


http://www.cnn.com/2010/POLITICS/04/23/sec.porn/index.html?hpt=T1

They were just, like, trying to do their part to save the Valley with a more 'hands on' approach! (Not 'Silicone Valley' but the other, possibly more silicone infused, valley in California.)

Pornography, Main Street To Wall Street.: An article from:Policy Review













It is true were all hormonally driven human beings most of the time. Especially whenever you're a click of a mouse away. ....Ever watch porn at work?

'Three Cups of Tea' Plug

I have had a little bit of writer's block lately. I just don't have anything amusing to say. But I just finished a good book and a better story, Three Cups of Tea. I strongly suggest you read this book. In fact I demand you read it.

For someone like myself, who prides himself on his general knowledge of world history and current events, this book was eye opening for me. I didn't know very much about what exactly has been going on inside Pakistan and Afghanistan over the past 20 years since the Cold War ended. Greg Mortenson's amazing travels in that part of the world have served as lesson for me. What's more impressive than his knowledge of the region is what he is doing to help it. He is facilitating the building of schools for the youth, particularly girls, of Afghanistan and Pakistan in order to improve the quality of life and promote peace one school at a time.

The book made me feel a little guilty. How could one American do all this, and here I am merely teaching English to Korean girls. Not to say I am not doing any good. I am saying, how is it possible that this strangely ordinary man has done so much to help others? What gives him the strength inside himself to do something like that? Could I do something like that? Do I have 'it' in me to be like him? Could anyone really be this good? Yes, they can. Sure, he has his flaws. They just aren't the vices that most of us carry.

Now, I don't want to give you the idea that this book will weigh you down with all these questions of inadequacy. I want to make it clear that this book will give you courage and belief. Belief in simple education and, I hate to say this because it's so cliche, the belief that one man can make a difference. Not in the traditional sense that one man can take on a whole army. But that one man can lead others together through rural community action with the prospect of good hope.

Like I said before, if you haven't read it already, please get your copy and do me favor by reading it.

You can find it via the Amazon link below or visit the Three Cups of Tea website directly
threecupsoftea.com
I'm sure by buying it at their website the proceeds will go to the Central Asia Institute (Greg Mortenson's Foundation). Take a look for yourself by visiting the website. 

CHANNELING MY INNER GAY MAN

I knew that would get your attention.


Let's get back to talking about teaching. For my next lesson I am going to teach the first graders, 'What are you wearing?' Being at an all girls middle school I feel like I have to find my feminist side. So, I'm channeling my inner gay man. When I was in high school, a lot of mothers used to tell me that I looked like Christopher Lowell, the interior decorator.....

This guy

As it turns out.....

He's gay.

Even though I have never understood how exactly I resemble him (I CAN'T EVEN GROW A MUSTACHE LET ALONE A BEARD!), I am trying to channel my Christopher Lowell to teach these girls words like 'Fashionable!' and 'That's Fab!' 

All I need now is a colorful shirt and a flamboyant personality. Good thing I have the Sesame Street T-shirt I brought from Seattle.....

60 days to the cup; Ode to a Collins

60 days until the World Cup! ENGLAND v. USA countdown!

With that said, Charlie Davies continues to defy the odds. http://goal.com/en-us/news/1614/americans-abroad/2010/04/09/1871123/sochaux-team-mate-jacques-faty-hails-charlie-davies-return

I cannot wait for his return. I pray he comes back full strength. If not, his recovery will still be nothing short of miraculous.

June is going to be an amazing month abroad. So is May. Why? Because the peninsula is about to be hit with a monster. One the size of which has never been seen before in Korea. Dunn dunnn dunnnnn

So, here's to an ode to a man so big it's an amazement him and his twin (yes, he has an equally large and intelligent twin brother) didn't punch their way out of their poor mother's womb like it was a paper bag:

 I get along great with Filipinos so why wouldn't it be the same with Koreans!?

  One time I ate a whole cow in one sitting. A WHOLE COW.

You pale in comparison to me, Justin! HA HA HA

Drink your Mike's Hard, little girl. 

(Dammit, I've never drink those things. How did I get caught red-handed!? I would've rather been caught with a Boone's Farm Fuzzy Navel bottle)

 I'm so big that I make trees look small.

I'm not even jumping.

My bags are packed, here I come, you tiny lilliputians.

These next four and a half months are going to fly by.


Notes:

You can follow him on twitter here twitter.com/charlieDavies9 


Dear James, 


      Sorry I equated your mother's womb to a paper bag. 


              Love, 
                  Justin

Student Jokes

My 2nd graders can be pretty amusing. For example, on April Fool's Day I received a snack box with a plastic bag full of crumpled wrappers and this note inside:

Props to you on your creative English, little girl. 

You're creative drawing could use some help though. That is a frightening face.

Anyway, you better believe I am going to get you back.

Any ideas?
I was thinking about the old 'take a look through these binoculars, eye black' trick.

Recently, two other second grade students have been playing a game during lunch called, 'Mission.' They build up the nerve to come talk to me by pacing around my office then playing a game of Kai Bai Bo. The loser has to walk up to me and say 'Mission' with a serious face. Then she says a phrase and the action that goes along with it.

'MISSION!' sounds like mention and mission combined.

I'm thinking, '...huh....what in the world did she just say?'


'Super...man....I'ma Superman...Ah...Supergirl.' And she extends her arms upward as if she is flying and flexing at the same time.

...'Ok.'

They both walk out of my office giggling profusely. Then the second one returns. She walks up next to my desk and states, 'MISSION!' 

I finally realize they mean mission, 'Ah....mission. You are on a mission, huh?'

She is unfazed by me, 'I'ma wonderwhoa-man.' She turns her head to the side like a profile and flexes her arms above her head as a sign of dominance. How about you try mimicking the Joker next.

Spring has Sprung!

Most people wait for a silly groundhog or the first flower to bloom to tell them spring has arrived. Personally, I just wait for this guy to show his face in public again.....

A pleasant surprise to me as I was walking up the stairs with my head down. But a not so pleasant surprise to the family of 3 ascending next to me with their young daughter held close to them. Poor unassuming family. Don't worry about Miichin guy! He is back to his old routine, where he cases my alleyway almost exactly at 8pm several times a week. He never steps on a sidewalk crack (he probably doesn't want his mom to break her back). And deliberately stops in the same locations every time. Where have you been hibernating?!
No matter. Because thanks to this, it's finally official. SPRING HAS SPRUNG!!!!

Take in a whiff of that Bupyeong pollution. Oh, yeah. Definitely spring. I can smell the sewers beginning to brew heartily again.

Halo the Bollywood Movie

More Videos at IGN.com

Wow.


The embedding might be cut off a little so here's the link just in case.
http://video.ign.com/dor/articles/960019/ign-originals-video/videos/halobolly_bts_spc_040110.html

4 reasons I know my body is as old as dirt

4) My back is so broken it could have been turned in for a down payment on a car during the 'Cash for Clunkers' campaign last year. What kind of person throws out their back twice before he turns 24? That's only because one of my lower vertebrae is finely cracked. When I don't take care of my back, that stress fracture has my back muscles spasming like electrically charged rippling jello. For those of you who don't know I actually have a big plastic backbrace, or more aptly titled modern, rigid girdle, that I have to strap into every now and again.


3) My ball and socket shoulder joints ache like I'm using the ball to grind ginseng in the socket. Worst of them is my left shoulder. It could probably be pulled from my shoulder socket like a drumstick off a cooked chicken. I will say this, it has gotten better than a few years ago. That was back when it would sublex from merely reaching to catch an errant softball throw. Back then I probably could have spit in my palm and thrown my arm out of its socket. At least my hips don't feel like they need replacing.

2) I was called a wise old man by several of my teachers the other day. I think something got lost in translation. That was until several of my kids started pointing out my moles and gray hairs. 'Teacher, you doot doot doot doot (pointing at their face then mine). You like-uh cow.' Thanks.


1) Because of it's prevalence right now, my heart takes the top spot. When the doctor tells you that you're fine but you need to stop exercising or your heart will hurt like a punching bag, then it's probably time to check into the local senior hot spot and wind down your life with bingo and dementia. Good thing I got my anti-inflammatory heart medication. I think I'll keep a spot open in my daily medicine holder for diabetes and Centrum Silver.

Runners up: My bum right hamstring always tweaking like it's on E, our Korean friend Hyun Gyu calling me Father all the time, I think I saw ear hair the other day (hah, no way), when I walk too many stairs my knees remind me that the need for a walker may be sooner than I think.

For those of you wondering 'what the fuck is wrong with you, old man', let me be the first to say it's not as serious as you think. I have been having some health problems off and on here. I have had trouble breathing at times and the left side of my chest has been hurting more and more consistently lately. The doctor diagnosed me and gave me a small amount of medication for the time being. I thought he was just going to give me a shot in the ass as is the common practice for almost any ailment out here (see Drake the Injection King. 2 different ailments, sinus problems and a deep cut on his foot, on 2 separate occasions same medical treatment, a shot to the ass). The medication is precautionary anti-inflammatory medication. I took some yesterday. It didn't seem to help. It's probably just a placebo made of kimchi. Kimchi cures H1N1, too, dontcha know?

 What's that little man? You say you have a headache. I've got just the cure. 

This is borderline child pornography. I'm just as shocked as you kid.

Anyway, the doctor, also, told me to take a prolonged rest. No, that doesn't mean I am taking time off from work. It means that I am not suppose to exercise strenuously. He told me to take it easy for a while. When I asked for how long, he told me not too get too worked up during the summer. The entire summer......? Well, fuck that. I am definitely playing basketball this Saturday. I am as stubborn as my father and brother are literally and figuratively thickheaded (my brother once flew full force into a windshield. The windshield was far more damaged than he was).

What surprises me more than the lack of a shot to the ass was how the doctor said nothing about my drinking. I told him that the pain often but not always follows days that I've been drinking. None of this deterred my hospital escort, Medicine Kim as I called him, from asking me to help him practice and teach him English over a few beers. The same goes for the tall, good looking Korean female nurse who jokingly yelled, 'Pinishee,' after my X-rays were taken. You best believe I will help you practice your English with a grin on my face, nurse. My plan for now is to stop drinking for a couple weeks and to rest up. Early nights and lots of water for now. Especially since, the pain in my chest has lessened but has not gone away in 3 days.

I'm not worried. After the doctor gave me the 'ok,' aka the you're fine get out of here so I can treat real patients, and Medicine Kim told me not to worry so much, I slept like a baby last night.

All in all the hospital trip wasn't too bad. By making an appointment, I retained Medicine Kim to escort me around. With him I bypassed almost all the lines. And I picked up a couple new Korean friends and some reassurance that I'm 'ok,' At least I escaped the hospital without an injection to my ass. As Medicine Kim said, 'I HOPE I NEVER SEE YOU HERE AGAIN!'

You got it.




Notes:

I forgot to add this in earlier, but my BP was 155 over 95 when they checked it yesterday. That's pretty sad for me. I remember my last physical. I was between 100 to 120. Hm.

Back to it

After a short absence, I'm back to writing.

I'm not going to bore you with the details of my trip home. I'll just sum it up for you.

2 total days of traveling +
1 silly car accident 3 hours after landing +
2 husky wins +
lots of laughter and smiles + seeing my closest friends in Seattle + Pete and Molly's wedding + seeing my family and my two nieces altogether twice
= worth it

It was completely worth it. I am never going to forget that first night in Seattle. That was amazing after 24 hours of traveling. Even though I won't forget it, the whole trip seems like a dream. The jet lag has a lot to do with that. Most of all it felt like I never missed a step. Like it was deja vu. The same things were going on around me all over again. Like when Kev drove down the middle of the crowded lane directly into the big man only to get swatted like a grounded fly. Same ol' Kev the grounded bowling ball taking it in there 5 or 6 times a game making 2 or 3 and getting brutally obliterated on the remainder (Later in the game he did his usual 'piss off the defender until he fights me' moves. Secretly, I miss those. But I would never tell him to his face because I am always telling him to stop or 'HEY, KEV, DON'T GET INTO A FIGHT IN FRONT OF MY PARENTS!). A few things had changed though. But after a few stories and a few more laughs it was as if I had never left. Nonetheless, it all seems so surreal. 

Sneaky Kev receiving the inside pass

One of the 2 or 3 he squeaks past the defenders a game. SO SNEAKY! 

Photos courtesy of my father. Nice work Pops!

When I returned to Korea after the long flight and short trip, I felt more comfortable in Korea than ever. Korea is, now, like a second home to me. Because when I stepped off that long flight back I felt like I had arrived back at my apartment. It wasn't the same as stepping into my all too familiar house that I grew up in. But it was a lot like I had returned to my college apartment, the home where I hang my coat daily. I feel more confident and comfortable than I did before. My attitude has even changed. But maybe that's just because of the change in the weather and not the vacation. Either way, I love Korea even more now than I did when I left for Seattle. And that's a good feeling.

The trip brought a lot of good things my way. A lot of intangible things like a change in attitude. And quite a tangible things like smiles or should I say a smirk....

Thanks for the gift, Tim.

 What has two thumbs and loves Jeeg?! THIS GUY!

I did do a few weird things when I was home. Like try to hail a waitress using yo-gi-oh or order food by pointing or using one word only. I think I might have forgot to tip at one point...poor waitress. Sorry service industry.

The wedding was fantastic. I am so glad I made it back for that. Let me say congratulations to Molly and Pete. And THANK YOU for allowing me to share that day with you. I hope to see you living happily when I visit Northern California next year.

Cake to the Face Tradition

P.S. Molly and her mom made her dress. It was gorgeous, too. Impressive work.

Between Pete's family and her family they combine for a Fashionable pair. 

 I, also, learned at the wedding how many people read my blog. There are a lot of people who I met for the first time during the trip that said they follow me on here. Shout out to everyone, especially the Koreans like Grace, who follow me. I appreciate the words of encouragement. I hope I can continue to keep your interest! Hello to all my Mom's preschool teachers. I like how she showed me off to everyone like it was Show and Tell day and she brought in her new hamster to show to the class. But, seriously, teaching is tough! How do you do it year after year!!!

Then there was this little Dean Cain tearing up the dance floor. 

I was afraid to hit the dance floor after him. 

Instead I hid in a corner and took photos of my new found muse, Pete's nephew.

Please inspire me to be a better dancer, Child Dean Cain.

Even if I'm an awful dancer (I blame my 75% Caucasian ethnicity), I have a lot of good memories to remember and to look forward to when I return in September.

Thanks for the memories everyone. See you in a few. 

Ah, I almost forgot. HAPPY EASTER!!!!

I demand that you take your hands off me, you crazy looking bunny! 

Returning to work and look what I found

When I returned to work last week, my teachers seemed a little upset that I had gone even if it was only a short amount of time. At first I thought, wow, they really missed me. Then I got an email in my work inbox. I admit I had been a little more ornery and impatient than usual before I left. Maybe it was the anticipation of flying home. But this email still caught me by surprise.

From: earl cheng [mailto:earl.cheng@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2010 3:22 PM
To:  Daniel Zimmerman; David Stevens; Mad Max; Andrew Gilholm; Alfonso; Allan Chang; Anabela Mok; Justin Goldsmith
Subject: This from your HR department: Words of wisdom on Cussing at work

Cussing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.




Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.


Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!


Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.


Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.


Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?


Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?


Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.


Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.


Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__..

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment..
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.


Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a___

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?


Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.


Thank You,
Human Resources 

 

 

 

Great email huh? I think I would suggest one more, 

 

Number 19

TRY SAYING: You seem to be a little uptight today. You should loosen up a little. 

INSTEAD OF: You've got a stick so far up your ass that you look like you've been proper fucked by Ricky Martin (yes, he is now gay). 

Alas, don't worry. My relationship with my co-teachers and faculty is better than ever. I never curse in front of my children. This email was passed onto me by my friend Drake from his friend Nate, who is teaching in China. I'm pretty sure he curses in front of the children though. He did go to Arizona State. That filthy devil.

Notes: 

Upcoming attractions: 

Rickey Henderson as an ESL teacher. I'll even draw you some pictures of it.

My past two weeks traveling (this may be too much to write in one post)

What's to come over the next 5 months including the visit of Godzilla aka James Collins then my visit from Jackie and my mother from another O'Dea brother, Robin Miller and later my parents. All for now!