A Case of Culture Clash: A Few Ways Koreans Annoy like everyone else

Korean can be a very polite, respectful language. At the same time Korean can be an immensely rude, scathing, racist, simply disrespectful language. I'm pretty sure the drunk old man I encountered in the subway called me a selfish baby dog in 5 different ways. They, also, have two different ways of speaking, one for adults and one for respectful children. That can make things a bit complicated at times for someone trying to learn Korean or someone trying not to get laughed at for knowing only how to speak like a 5 year old when you're 25. Thankfully, it's not this complicated to be polite or rude in English.

English requires a 'please' or 'thank yous' to be polite and a nice 'fuck you' to spice up a thought. While it is very easy to say 'please' or to tell someone to 'fuck off,' mannerisms and intonation of your voice play a more important role in how genuine your apology appears or how steaming mad you might be. English is to be used sensitively. Tact is your best friend when dealing with that bitchy, under appreciated soccer mom, who crashed her car into yours and blames you for the accident. In many situations a couple 'please' and 'thank yous' can go a long way. But a well placed 'fuck you' can go farther, too, even in Korea (see Guro Taxi drivers).

I could go on about this for an hour, so, let me cut to the point. For a language like Korean, respect abounds within their blunt words. In English we don't have that open respect save the please and thank yous (maybe a knee jerk reaction, you're welcome or no problem). If you are fluent, you have to have a more subtle form of tact in your choice of words and enunciation. We don't usually lay our gratitude on the surface of our words. That's why 'please' and 'thank yous' go such a long way. With that said Koreans think we are rude because our 'thank very you much's' aren't genuine. This is probably because when they visit America they go to an American McDonald's. You can definitely sense the disdain in the voice of the minimum wage workers taking your order. That aside I want to examine the ways that they don't realize they are coming off as rude.

1) The 'Hurry up' and fake smile. You're finishing up in the gym shower and in pops a head through the door. 'Uh.....' he searches for the English phrase, 'Hurry up.' He smiles firmly. Then he snickers in approval of both his English and telling this foreigner what to do. Admittedly customer service isn't this gym hand's forte. Annoyance level: 2 (10 being the highest) What can you really expect? It's worse when he just stares at you until you leave.


2) Korean walking pattern. There is none. You have to weave around the 6 middle school girls talking up the whole sidewalk. Then weave to the left and right of two people walking toward you on different sides of the sidewalk but at the same speed. Then you dodge the Korean who unexpectedly stops for no reason (no phone in their hand, they aren't even looking around). Dodge a few shoppers who back up into the walkway to get a better view of the shoes they are looking at. Juke a girl texting on her phone and the three others walking without any spacial sense behind her. You think it's done. Then you face the boss of the walkways, Ajuma. Ajuma power is strong. Don't underestimate them because of their size. They appear small but they pack a Megaman-like punch. They will send a bony elbow into your kidney like a dirty prizefighter. You dodge the first group. Unfortunately, you didn't see the other one hiding like a snake in the grass. She lands a dirty, groin busting elbow. You think it's over. But after she takes you down, you see her cutting in front of you at the E-Mart. Ajuma!!!!!! Ajuma prevails again. Annoyance level: 6. This just eats at me everyday. I, now, walk around like a giant, white SUV forcing my way through crowds as if it was a discombobulated traffic jam.

3) The JimJilBang stare. This post isn't just about Koreans using English. It's, also, about the physical mannerisms. If you have set foot into the bathing pools, hot tubs, showers, or even a urinal at a jimjilbang, then you have received one of these. Hey, ol' Korean buddy, it's not like I don't see you looking over (rather under) my shoulder at my 'foreign parts.' Do you have to stand or sit so uncomfortably close? There's nothing really special to see. They don't call me 'The Hammer' or 'Louisville Slugger.' But you have me thinking the stereotype about Asian's size is true. Maybe that's why you're so bitter that you commit the next one on my list. Annoyance level: 5; I'm not big on this personal level of invasive staring. But I can just show you my backside.

4) Subway Cursing. You devilish ol' timer. You yell and curse at the foreigners on the subway. 'You come into my subway and desecrate these hallowed subway cars with your loud English. Go back to the skyscraper you fell from, you pale face fuck.' After the parents cart away the child you are talking to, you, the drunk old man, come up to me and talks at to you. Then punches you hard in the gut when you don't understand. Or he yells from halfway down the subway car. 'Hey, Korean only.' Oh, sorry, I didn't see that sign. What I do know is, I can't disrespect you without garnering some serious negative attention. Annoyance level: 6; It's actually funnier than it is annoying until he hits you in the gut and a one armed Korean man has to save you. Physical harm seems to be the old guards type of solution. Too bad I don't know exactly why you are hitting me.

5) Behind Closed Doors. All the screaming, breaking things, bodies moving heavily is disturbing. I'm not talking about wild and crazy romps. Simply put, I'm talking about the beatings. In class recently, I have been doing a 'Parent's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day' Lesson Plan. When I ask my students what they are writing, quite a few of them talk about their Dad hitting them or throwing things at them. It's a little unfair of me to judge based upon the broken English of a few children. I don't know the full story. But my thoughts are based upon personal experience and my teachers answers to my questions. Sometimes, particularly late at night, I hear heavy physical movement, yelling like someone is trying to run away, then the sound of things breaking, followed by crying. When I asked my teachers if this was common, they said yes. It is common for men to hit their wives in Korea, especially in poorer areas where my apartment is located. It keeps me up at night. It more than an annoyance because I can't sleep. I spend my time laying in my bed or pacing my room because I can't do a damn thing. I can't go knock on their door and ask them to stop. I can't call the cops. My hands and tongue are tied. All I can do is listen as this coward (likely drunk) beats his girlfriend or wife. Annoyance level: 10. Because it's not an annoyance. It's despicable. Always remember two things: Never strike a woman. Take it like a man, cowards.

This isn't limited to Korean culture. While I've never experienced it first hand at home, this happens all over the world. Have respect for women. Just as important, respect yourself by using your mind before your hand or being stronger and taking the verbal lashing.