Returning to work and look what I found

When I returned to work last week, my teachers seemed a little upset that I had gone even if it was only a short amount of time. At first I thought, wow, they really missed me. Then I got an email in my work inbox. I admit I had been a little more ornery and impatient than usual before I left. Maybe it was the anticipation of flying home. But this email still caught me by surprise.

From: earl cheng [mailto:earl.cheng@gmail.com]
Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2010 3:22 PM
To:  Daniel Zimmerman; David Stevens; Mad Max; Andrew Gilholm; Alfonso; Allan Chang; Anabela Mok; Justin Goldsmith
Subject: This from your HR department: Words of wisdom on Cussing at work

Cussing at Work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.




Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.


Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!


Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.


Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.


Number 8
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?


Number 9
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.

Number 10
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?


Number 11
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.


Number 12
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.


Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__..

Number 14
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment..
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.


Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a___

Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?


Number 18
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.


Thank You,
Human Resources 

 

 

 

Great email huh? I think I would suggest one more, 

 

Number 19

TRY SAYING: You seem to be a little uptight today. You should loosen up a little. 

INSTEAD OF: You've got a stick so far up your ass that you look like you've been proper fucked by Ricky Martin (yes, he is now gay). 

Alas, don't worry. My relationship with my co-teachers and faculty is better than ever. I never curse in front of my children. This email was passed onto me by my friend Drake from his friend Nate, who is teaching in China. I'm pretty sure he curses in front of the children though. He did go to Arizona State. That filthy devil.

Notes: 

Upcoming attractions: 

Rickey Henderson as an ESL teacher. I'll even draw you some pictures of it.

My past two weeks traveling (this may be too much to write in one post)

What's to come over the next 5 months including the visit of Godzilla aka James Collins then my visit from Jackie and my mother from another O'Dea brother, Robin Miller and later my parents. All for now!

Two Week Absence

It's been almost two weeks since my last post. And a lot has happened since then. Since I am feeling under the weather today and I am teaching from 9 30 til 7:40, I just wanted to post on here to notify you that the blog is not dead. I got a lot of compliments on the blog at home. I am motivated to keep this going. I am just taking a necessary breather because of how crazy the last two weeks have been. Anyway, you can expect some new posts by the end of this week. By then I will have some time to sit down and unwind my mind into the blog.

For now, sit tight while I recover.

Sex Education at Lunch

Lunch time is just a haven of good quotes for me. From the cougar MILF conversation to this.

Today, the topic of sexual education and THE TALK came up during lunch. You know, the Birds and the Bees Talk that you have with your father. I explained to them my father gave my brother and I 'The Talk' 3 times. Before the first time he had The Talk with us, we had already done our own research and finished sex ed at school. So, the third time he had The Talk with us my brother and I started laughing and shaking our heads hysterically.

'Dad, we've had this talk twice before!!!'

'We have?' he said legitimately shocked.

'Yes!' And we got up and walked away.

My co-teacher defended him. 'He is just being a good father. He is worried about you.'

'I agree. He should be. My sister had a child at 16.'

'OH, THAT'S TOO LATE!' exclaimed Miss Yoo vigorously. 'They should've had it earlier.'

'WHAT?!' I bit my lip so hard out of shock that I drew blood. And my other co-teacher K is staring at her in disbelief.

'Ms. Yoo, she had a child at 16!!!!' I restate while looking at my bloody lip.

'Oh, I thought we were still talking about THE TALK.' She replies abashed.


And, yesterday, they asked what a booty call was out of the blue. .... Mom don't ask.



Notes:

It's all downhill from here!!!! WING'S NIGHT TONIGHT! TOMORROW I AM DECKING MYSELF OUT IN GREEN FOR ST PADDY'S DAY!! AND THURSDAY IS GOING TO BE A BREEEEEEEEEZZZZZZE!!!

P.S. Here is a great photo for this time of year. And it reminds me of Korean kids: all study and no play. Better get a ladder and a saw, kid.

Maybe now isn't the best time for THE TALK.

March Madness

It's that time of year again. My favorite moment of the annual year. March Madness!!!! All the brackets, the upsets, the traveling, and flat out madness in more ways than one. This year I will be traveling the longest round trip I have ever taken to watch the crazy thing I have ever seen. No, not the tourney. No, not my family. Pete and Molly's wedding. There should be a lot of dancing just like the Dawgs!



I plan to break out a Soctt Suggs dance move on the floor that evening. But you have to be careful when you go dancing....

You could end up with a black eye and a little less dignity. I am a white guy. So, I need to dance in a group of people to mask my insufficient moves. That or don't dance at all.

This trip will, also, be about answering a few questions for myself. It's hard to define all my questions. The overlaying theme is do I come back in 6 months or do I stay another year? In order to answer that I have to feel out my family and friends. These questions that I have are not questions you can coldly write out like a math problem.

How much do they miss me?
How much do I miss them?
How are they doing without me?
How are they treating me?
Will they miss me more if I stay another year?
Do they need me around?

They aren't a checklist or a survey you can fill out with a clipboard and a number 2 pencil.

If you find yourself asking these questions, then you are probably insecure and you should stay in Korea or wherever you are until you get your head on straight. Seriously, questions like these are unfair. They won't help you as much as they will hurt you. Simply, enjoy your time. And they will answer themselves.


Notes:

I do enjoy the World Cup more than March Madness. But it's not an annual event.

I know you think that I am going to put together a weak bracket this year. But I've been watching like usual. I will be just as good as usual. That means I won't win. But I won't get crushed. I'm hoping for a couple 3rd place finishes.

A little animated delight

I feel like this happens all the time in Korea especially in Jimjilbangs (bath houses). One of these times, I am going to turn to the guy and ask him, do you want to shake it for me, in Korean.

Click on this one. I know that belly gives him all his power.
He reminds me of the cook at Romio's, who tells all these jokes about losing his boomboom stick under his beer belly. In reality the guy is some kind of Stella loving Superman.

Notes: 

All my kids still think their butt is their hips. I am remedying that this week.

BOW right in the kisser!

8 days left. Still no creative juice.

I will say that I am anxious about this trip. Everyday I get more and more anxious. I feel like I am the one getting married not the future Mr. and Mrs. Cossette. Wow. Saying that brings a smile to my face and a jolly laugh to my belly.


Since, I am not producing any blog posts recently, I give you my friend, Jason Kamminga. (If you remember I have posted one note from him before on here):

So I'm on the soccer field with my 6th graders yesterday. Playing a little soccer with the kids. Had to judo trip one kid who was trying to "dong chong" my ass (non Korean peeps, that is making a pistol with both hands and trying to stick in your butt), Korean kids love that trick. I don't.

Anyway, I running down the left wing and this kid crosses it to me, and I take the ball, holding up the ball with my back to the goal outside the box (smaller field maybe 15 yard?). I'm feeling a bit Steven Gerrard at the moment, I turn inside on the kid guarding me, take a dribble, a crows hop, and unleash a shot. It felt so good coming of my foot, it had a little bend on it heading right for the left side of the goal mid-high! It was perfect until a 6th graders comes into frame and take my rocket shot square in the face. Since he is Korean, you should know he has and %85 chance of wearing glasses. Yep, those get busted. About a second before the kid gets smoked in the dome, I'm in that phase where everything slows down, like the tranq scene in "Old School" . Student and Glasses, meet astro turf. The whole school yard throws up a collective "OH" like when you get postered in an NBA game. Then silence, then I'm waiting for a kid to wail, "your in trouble or I'm going to tell my mom". However, the kid just puts his hands to his face, as he lies on the grass. His glasses were toast. I ran over a was like "you alright" and was patting him on the back, hoping like shit he was okay! He gave me that 'I'm in pain, but its cool teach ' hand slap. fucking tough kid. I was super proud of him taking my rocket ball off his face! He went back in the game to after like a minute rest! I however found a convenient time a few minutes later to sneak away from the game, like Carl Spangler after he blows up the golf course in caddy shack.

I had to get ahead of the story on this one so I told my co-teacher about it and and said that if the parents complain, I would pay for the glasses (and hope they were cheap). Kid speaks good English so I think his dad is pretty well off. Saw him today and his friend was like "very expensive new glasses" so I felt pretty bad.

Guess I'd have to say if there was ever I time I could kick a ball as hard as I could and have it go off someones face, this would be the best scenario. If it was on video, it would have looked freaking sweet. Just sayin.

Notes:

Selection Sunday is this coming Sunday. Get ready to fill out your brackets. Who's starting one this year?

P.S. classes have been going swimmingly. I call my kids 'playgirl' a lot. I know they have many boyfriends. Those heartbreakers.

Concussed

Our first basketball game of the year started last Saturday (3/6). With our first game came my third concussion of my lifetime. That pretty much kills the creative process for a while. My for today was to sit down and catch up on my writing. Unfortunately, I killed my brain cells in a standard collision. No one fell. No one bonked their head on the grond. I merely ran into the guy while cutting through the middle of the land. I wouldnt have noticed it, if not for that feeling when I got back on defense. You know, that feeling like your brain is corned beef hash inside of a dented can. You might as well give me a gun rack for my gun rack because my IQ is sinking faster than that dairy I had for lunch.

Every time I have a concussion my intelligence drops a little. I know my other two concussions happened when I was around middle school. But the long term effects seem visible to me. I cant be sure though. What can I be sure of is my short term effects.

This time around I didnt notice I had a concussion until a half an hour after the game. As my adrenaline died down my headache got louder. I felt a little disoriented. I had some trouble trying to speak larger words. And I had a few problems trying to speak semi-eloquently. Now, I was exhausted. On the other hand my mom wouldve urged me to the hospital. And I probably should have gone. I know how to take care of myself. The symptoms got better over night. Nonetheless, I think I am going to ask my co-teacher to take me in to the doctor tomorrow if the symptoms strongly persist. For now, I am fine. You know Im stubborn. So, dont worry! haha

With that said, I want to update you on some other things. Unfortunately, I cant press my brain for a lot of information and creativity right now.

But I did include a post game photo of our basketball team, Bucheon Bling

 

and my jersey

 

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Your North Korean Graphic of the Month

Via: Online Schools

This graphic barely covered all the crazy things....

Notes:
Here's part 1 of a 14 part series about North Korea by VICE:

http://www.vbs.tv/watch/the-vice-guide-to-travel/vice-guide-to-north-korea-1-of-3

There are, also, a couple books recently released. If you are interested, leave me a comment and I'll track down the names for you.

Absences show their face once again

As winter begins to die down and the warmth returns, school is back in session. I begin teaching again tomorrow, March 3rd. Today, in honor of the occasion I did something I had not done since before Thanksgiving. I got a haircut. Yup. It's shorter and different than the first Korean haircut. While it doesn't look awful, I am just hoping it grows back a little in 2 weeks. I was thinking about posting a picture up here. But I decided against it. I think I will let the camera sit this one out.

But here's how I really see this haircut. It's like the Punxsutawney Phil of haircuts. It's telling me that this haircut is so short it better get warm fast. Or else I am going to be wishing that I stayed in my hair hole. From the looks of things I thought it was time the mop top went the way of winter. Goodbye, Winter! Hello, Yellow Dust.....and allergies. The real signal that spring has arrived.

Monday, March 1st, marked the 6 month anniversary of our time in Korea. I knew all I had to do was make it through a slow Winter. I know it's going to be all downhill from here. Then you all will have to suffer me along with Seattle winter weather again. Enjoy the spring and summer!!!


Notes:
I have a couple other updates I want to add in here. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time. And my time is going to be pressed even more when school starts back up. I will try to get a new top 5 or 2 here in the next week or so. If you get bored, then check my twitter. I'll try to keep that more amusing. I want to pose some ridiculous questions I have been thinking about on there.


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